I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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