I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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