I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
