well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
