I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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