Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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