I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
tell me about the eggs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
