Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
