girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
