In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
