how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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