i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
