You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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