You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
