and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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