on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
