I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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