I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Panties = found
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
