When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
