I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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