Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
