halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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