the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
