I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
