i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sober January is a disaster.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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