toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
