I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
