she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
