so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
accomplished twins. life is a go
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
