The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
