you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
