Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have fence marks all over my body
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Your penis caused this!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
