Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
