I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
