You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
