Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
