what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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