I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
