Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
