Im at strip club and am horny
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
