There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
