forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
