Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
