So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
