fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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