i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its about making memories worth repressing
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
how drunk are you?
Several
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
