Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
