But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
