He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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