You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
