somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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