He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
