i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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