The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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